Why do we hide from those that love us most and those we love most? (194)
Inner conflict and misguided vulnerability that separates the best of friends and closest of lovers, doesn’t have to be.
The very idea of disappointment and that feeling of being let down by our inner circle is as old as time.
In the modern world of cheap connections and disloyal collaborations, it’s no surprise that we go from one broken relationship to another.
Working through relational problems becomes more difficult with the ease of movement and the expanse of choice.
On the one side, it has liberated countless individuals from being bullied or used by stronger individuals.
On the flip side, it has hindered a maturity process through a lack of commitment and the development of interpersonal skills being realised.
Up until the last couple of hundred years of world wide urbanisation, we know that most people lived within community in rural settings. The advantage of such settings created opportunities for individuals to hone and develop skills to keep the tribe together.
The tribe created social well-being that many corporations and government agencies struggle to emulate through Corporate Social Responsibility policies.
As difficult as vulnerability an trust is, human beings still look for their tribe in the modern world.
Sports clubs, business associations, corporations, churches, arts centres etc… all seek to provide safe spaces where individuals can express themselves in their purist form and thrive.
Even the family unit is that place that despite the divorce rate still going through the roof, individuals want to find someone they can be vulnerable with.
So why do we hide from those that love us most and we love most?
We often don’t recognise that part of truly loving and being loved requires transparency that we have no control over.
Transparency of not rising to the challenge of others or our expectations
Transparency of adaptation and yielding our selfishness to serve for the greater good
Transparency of seeing weakness in others and the opportunity of protecting that weakness
New relationships are quite funny to observe. Individuals project who they want the other person to see. Transparency has very little to do with the relationship in the early stages.
Only time will test wether a new relationship has depth and longevity. The relationship must face crucibles of fire from time to time to test its validity and intent.
Hiding our weaknesses is natural to the general population but it gets more difficult to hide them within the tribe. Social Media has mastered the art of hiding from any meaningful relationship and masquerades itself as the ultimate tribe.
It was St Paul who struggled with plenty of weaknesses as he went from village to village establishing christian communities. He prayed that God would take away his weaknesses, thinking that they were a hinderance to building sound communities. Paul realised at some point of his maturity development that his weaknesses were in fact a binding agent to creating stronger communities.
“When I am weak, I am strong” St Paul
Every one of us has the opportunity like St Paul of becoming stronger and building lasting healthy relationships by being more vulnerable. The capacity of failing more in the right direction rather than projecting perfection seems to create marriages and friendships that are attractive and enviable.
Perhaps you are struggling with hiding from those that love you most and you love most when you could be benefiting from them in your time of weakness.
My suggestion, don’t write them or yourself off too quickly. Great relationships go through the fire, no exceptions.
When I take on clients, it’s amazing how much time it takes to build trust so that the real blockages can be revealed and the power transparency be felt.
If you would like to understand more on the impact of having a value system that brings lasting contentment and actioning it in your every day life, perhaps have a look at a number of services I provide, by going to tomsmilovitis.com